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September 16, 2018

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Its obvious science is faking it to convince us of bad Buddhism. Science wants yo prove the "nothing is real" stoner logic, or convince us it did. But I'm gonna stick with Samkhyan/Jain view that atoms and spirits just always existed. That BOTH exist. Any theory that only matter exists or only mind exists, is obviously just stupid.

If matter isn't real and everything is pure mind, then auffering is not real but just a dream so there is no need to escape, no need for liberation. This is how a lot of modern Buddhism thinks. Thih Nach Hahn for instance. The theory that matter is not real but is just invented by the mind is a dead end that will trap many in matter.

Hi Zenmar. I just wanted to share this here, since there's nothing else I can do with it. If it's too much then just delete it. I hope you're doing well :-)

If a weird but pleasant feeling of “something dispersing” is noticed, then with just the right amount of concentration applied to latching on to the phenomenon, it will grow and expand beyond the edges of the Universe. However, after a while, the expanse will start to narrow in towards a single point, and will eventually collapse. The speed at which this narrowing-in happens is experienced as literally mind-bending. And honestly, at this point I was quite scared of losing my mind, since I felt like I was exceeding the speed of light! Then, as the expanse caved in on itself, a single point of focus was revealed. This reveal was like being face to face with a shimmering black pearlescence in form of an immensely powerful thunderbolt. What a tremendous roar of endless energy! What a great and infinite stream of obscure animation! But, at the same time, my entire being felt like it had been exposed to as many needles of diamond-shaped icicles as there are grains of sand in the Ganges.

Then, after another seemingly short while, the animated thunderbolt-like phenomenon is seen as a distortion, and is no longer interesting. This loss of interest results in the fading away of the form-based concentration. And with the fading away, there is now an openness in all directions, which seems to have appeared out of nowhere. At this point, whatever physical or mental sensations there were prior to this, are now all gone. The awareness of somebody sitting in meditation is also forgotten. My only reality of interest was now this open field of great awe. However, in a brief moment of panic, I tried to use thinking in order to make sense of what this place was, but I quickly realized that all of my mental faculties were arrested. I could not utilize visualization, nor could I apply thinking to figure it out. I was not able to reflect on any single thing whatsoever. It felt like trying to pick up something which had been covered over by Mount Sumeru.

But, in order to calm the panic, I immediately went to a “method” of mine, which I have always used, and have mentioned here several times before. Said method is just invoking love in the form of golden rays of light. Now, I realize that I just said that all my mental faculties were arrested, but nonetheless the function of radiating love and compassion was not arrested. Right after applying compassion to the panic, everything transformed in an instant. And that’s all I can say about this matter, without feeling like I’m at fault. I have never uttered a single word of it to any one in it’s entirety, and I would never call the experience by name. I would also never claim whatever someone might think that I’m about to claim while they’re reading this. However, at one point I told a friend the particulars, similar to what I’ve written here, and while I was talking about it, the hairs on my entire body stood up like they were ten feet tall. My friend was quite baffled by it. But I feel it’s important to point out that, the description of the events that I’ve given here is like telling someone about a bus-ride you took to your bestfriends house, but omitting what the actual experience of being with your friend was like once you got to the house and went inside.

At the sound of the gong, I was disappointed to find myself back in my retreat shack. I was quite sad actually. There was no bliss for days and weeks. I was so sad for having to leave, but at the same time I was so moved and so grateful. I laid down on the bed and started crying. It was like a great feeling of loss and mourning was lodged in my heart. For the first time in my life I had come across something of substance, and I couldn’t give it to anyone else.

That night I dreamt of being on top of a mountain, overlooking beautiful hills and green meadows, beneath a star-filled sky. And try as I might to forget all about this; it haunts me every day.

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