I am strongly inclined to believe that there are two essential events in one's life that occur if they are trying to awaken to true reality or the same, the One Mind. One is the profound comprehension that one is supposed to see ultimate reality in a very real way while the second is to directly see this reality. Everything else is just a way to get us to these two events. It doesn't matter if we go to China, South Korea, Japan or some retreat in France. Our goal is these two important events. Short of this, I can't see much success. One lacks a view of Zen that isn't traditional: a view that believes Zen is not a discipline whose aim is awakening or kensho.
Believe it or not, when I stayed with the Zen abbot (I called him sensei), Zen was never clearly laid out. I got more from D.T. Suzuki in my early morning studies at the temple. Zazen which just a nice way to escape from sensei's scrutiny, always making sure I was practicing awareness. Eventually, I got very good at being always aware even when we drank beer together. I never lost my focus. Yes, I could see the point of being aware. It is a good practice for everyone. But it's not what Zen is ultimately aiming at. It is aiming at kensho. This requires a higher kind of thought and reflection, including faith. Visiting your local Zen center ain't going to do it.
I never lost my faith is Zen's main slogan: see the essential nature (svabhāva) and become Buddha. Many times I got sidetracked but at the back of my mind I understood what Zen was driving at. When finally I sought to realize pure Mind (it is the same as the One Mind) I put all that I had into the struggle (C., gongfu). Finally, one has to go to their wit's end. There is no other way to explain it except hitherto you've been following your own ideas of awakening which is the wrong way. Until that is exhausted, the struggle must continue (think of it as a form of purification).
I can really see why one becomes a Buddhist hermit. Being by yourself allows you to focus. There is a constant reminder around you that this is a spiritual journey. You cannot leave it. Once you have a head of steam, you have to keep pushing and practicing. And mark my words. You will eventually come to your wit's end. Every fibre of your being also comes to this end. It is like dying. Nothing has any value—still you keep on struggling thinking, "What is pure Mind? Where is it in my noggin?" Looking back I was dumb and stubborn. Now looking at the Zen books I once read it is all over the place. That is all the Zen masters talked about. It was seeing ultimate reality. Wow, was I blind!
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