The best teacher demands spiritual maturity

I was a young adult in the '60s.  It was a time of change.  It was by no means a boring time.  Everything was subject to change, even parenting.  Permissive parenting was not working as advertised which had just replaced authoritarian parenting (parent's word is law; parents show little affection or nurturance).  There was an attempt to work towards a synthesis called "authoritative parenting" which expected more mature behavior out of a child without abusing and punishing the child when maturity demands were not met.  The parents are more nurturing, accepting, forgiving and understanding of their children—still, there are very definite expectations and rules.  This is not an easy synthesis to achieve.  It is much easier to swing back to either permissive or authoritarian parenting which are not without a lot of problems.

My dad, who was born in the 19th century; who grew up to become a very skilled and highly trained boxer—you might call him a modern day gladiator—was neither permissive with me nor authoritarian.  Nevertheless, whatever he told you to do as a child, you did.  He had a commanding presence like no other males I have ever met since that time.  He never struck me nor yelled at me; but he was no pushover.  I think kids who come from boxing families have a sacred respect for their fathers.  Boxers have to tame the wild beast within them so as to make the beast effective in the ring.  Courage dominates, fear is subservient.  A boxer's wisdom is able to size up his opponent in an instant, sensing the opponent's weakness and strengths.  All these things, with some modification, help us with the Zen path.

Especially, we need courage to face the almost impossible and frightening odds that we may fail to achieve kensho (seeing our true nature).  Still, we have to go forward come hell or high water knowing the odds are against us.  And yes, there is a wild beast in us that we must tame as well.  It prevents us from seeing our true nature which is mind without the interference waves.  In fact, during kensho, for a split second, there are no waves.  Just pure Mind, luminous and transcendent.  Wisdom is also required. We have to be able to distinguish the right path from the wrong path; pure Mind from defiled mind.  None of this is easy.  

That the path is easy is a delusion.  The more beginners cling to their wrong-headed ideas and beliefs the more difficult becomes the path until it is impossible to proceed.  At this point, I think how we were parented starts to kick in.  Most beginners either gravitate towards a permissive teacher or to the authoritarian teacher.  Neither one is what they should be looking for.  Foremost, the best teacher demands spiritual maturity.  He or she is not interested in becoming a person's personal psychologist or their brutal task master.  

 

Comments

[Augustinus]

Very interesting post. Completely taming the Ox is not sufficient but is certainly necessary, and something to be worked on constantly. This is not accomplished by just sitting, or attending lectures and retreats. What an unfortunate misunderstanding for modern Buddhists who want to keep their Samsaric cake and eat it. The Mahayâna-Sutras pick off from where the Pali Canon left off - they state very clearly their intended audience: those who have tamed the Ox, whose hearts are "filled with a joy indescribable" and whose "eyes are fixed on things not of the earth" and "however enticed he will no more be kept back".
(Suzuki, Manual of Zen Buddhism p.132 London 1st ed.)

[n. yeti]

If we are not lucky enough to have a good father we should find one. I think martial arts provide this for many kids, a lot of them from tough situations and hard realities who manage to mold themselves into better human beings through discipline and practice. As a parent I have learned the best effort a parent can make is to prepare a child for life when we are gone and no longer able to provide guidance. This means children must internalize their instruction, and not merely comply with orders or commands, and neither to disrespect or ignore the wisdom gained through greater experience. Buddha entered parinirvana much in this way, giving humanity everything he had to teach, but knowing that reliance upon him must one day transform the adept into one who is spiritually self reliant. It is not by coincidence he told his disciples they are the Sons of Buddha. Thank you for the excellent post and the time you have devoted to helping people such as myself to attain to better understanding of Zen Buddhism.