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January 27, 2015

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Thanks n. yeti.

100 percent,

"Looking upon his body to be fragile as an earthen jar, valuing his mind as a firm fortress, let a man fight Mara with the sword of wisdom. Let him guard what he has gained, but let him fight on."

Thanks n. yeti for the guidance.

I do have a great aversion to the way things are. I think this is my barrier. I need to transmit the signal to my body to stop being afraid. I am like V'ger in the first Star Trek movie. Just needing a simple signal.

If I may offer a comment in agreement, from my own experience, the moment of renunciation was the great breakthrough. An entire lifetime of intense spiritual practice and searching, indeed a life very much indistinguishable from that of a secular humanist, social activist, basically very similar to many of today's American students of Zen...seeing truth in Buddha's teachings, being willing to practice them (in faith), but not really willing or able to renounce.

What I see these days are people getting attached to the idea of giving up attachments, thinking this is the way. They perceive how clinging to desires and habits (and ultimately all phenomena) gets in the way of realizing what Buddha realized. But from this practice arises from a subtle aversion to the way things are, and is really not something to cling to as a dogma, this fear of being attached to things, even to the Mahayana. Some teachers are attached to the idea they cannot give their students anything to cling to, that this is the way, but this too arises from subtle habits of mind clinging to appearances.

I realize this message will not reach many people, because they will have to find out for themselves, and some will reject it, or doubt, or become skeptical, or arrogant, all the things people tend to do when trying to guide their lives via introspective teachings. But it was only when I dropped my desire for things to be different, when I really let go of that, and let what I feared be as it is, and let what I desired cease to matter, and focused with intense, absolute concentration on piercing the illusion of appearances, to know the truth behind appearances and holding them up so to speak, that like a miracle, like the breath of freshest, purest air, my mind was suddenly freed of the condition which had so totally imprisoned me. It was not giving up attachments, it was severing any desire, any fear, ignoring it and going ahead no matter what.

It was the start of my path. I didn't yet realize everything I had done was preparation for the journey, but by making the break with phenomena as they appear, which is of mind, I encountered for the first time truth as mind, beyond anything I could put into words.

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