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December 28, 2014


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Zennist, please listen. This is very difficult for me to talk about. It scares me deeply. It will contradict what I have said before, but I have recovered this memory anyway. Who on earth will understand me? What am I going to do about this? Please try to understand me.

In 1981 when I was 3, I had an abusive babysitter who gave me an overdose of amphetamines. She drove away and left me alone in her house. I laid down and died from a heart attack on her bed. When I died, my energy was forced out of my body. I do not remember having any form. I flew around the city, looking at everything, then up into the sky, and into outer space. I think the shock of death was very bad. All I could do was fly around in hurt and rage. There was so much speed of travel, I thought I was being torn apart. It didn't matter. I just didn't care, I had to go as far out as possible. Stars rushed passed me faster than thought. I went so far out, I passed the limits of our universe. There, I found a whole realm with no stars for billions of light-years around. A realm or perimeter where the light could not reach. Totally black, infinite space. Beyond this, I found...other inhabited universes. So far out that space and time did not even mean what we understand. There were literally innumerable worlds. They were full of inhabitants so strange and various, and many were impossible to communicate with. There is nothing on earth that can describe them, or the places where they lived, or what seeing this was like. In those other worlds I found that miracles were possible. Magic was possible. The colors were like a million volts. There were unimaginable wonders. The very air was charged with infinite power. You could do anything. Run as fast as you wanted, jump as high as you wanted, go anywhere and do anything. You could become anything. I made new friends there. The one closest to me was a blond, angelic humanoid who knew our languages. I remember how she liked to tell stories about her world and laugh with me. She said, “We have been watching you from the beginning. We are your friends, and we know each one of you by name.” She told me this experience was something that I would remember later. It was being given to me now, so I would understand when it had to happen again. I didn't know what that meant, but I liked her very much and wanted to stay with her. However, everything was so different and so very hard to understand. So far away from anything I knew. I thought about my mother and father, my pets and my home. I missed my home and my life on earth. I thought of the black expanse of space, and felt hopelessly lost. So lost, it was as if I would forget who and what I had been, if I should remain in those realms. After some time, I don't know how long, she took me back to earth. I decided it wasn't time to die yet, so I re-entered my body and came back to life. This is the point I have the most difficulty accepting. Because...I remember being...resurrected from death. Here I am, 34 years later. This experience was the most incredulous, unearthly, impossible, unbelievable thing that I have ever known. It is impossible for me to understand it. It is impossible for me to believe it. I have never told anyone. It is not my intention to brag or get attention. What happened to me, is far beyond anything I have heard about. It is something that even in my own far-out thinking, I do not know how to accept or understand. If it were not for an anonymous internet, none of this would ever be told. The memory of this babysitter has been confirmed by my mother. I had totally forgotten it for awhile. The whole thing worries and perplexes me...deeply.

Do you know anything about this kind of thing? I think I'm going to die again, soon. Can you tell me anything? Anything at all? I need to know. If only I could BELIEVE what happened, and what SHE explained to me...

Electric Black:

There are light-bringers but they don't—how should I say it—waste their empowerments on those who have not first attained one-pointedness of Mind.

Sadly, most people are almost evil to the bone. And when they detect the light (unconsciously, of course) they go after you with a vengeance. It is something out of a Philip K. Dick novel/movie.

The puthujjana social order wants to keep entrapping us in rebirth. It is all about maintaing delusion, hostility, and worldly desire. But if a few black dragons come into the world, this evil begins to destroy itself. The lies are brought to the surface, and compassion (spiritual light) begins to grow — and even the ghosts are happy.

You see, I committed suicide in my previous life, and I remember the event of dying. I didn't become a spirit. I just went black until I was reborn.

None of the spirits that I see, are dead people. They told me that science is prejudiced against non-material reality because science has no control over it. They also told me that crazy people see what their culture or tradition tells them to see, but the whole world is based on delusions.

What should I do when I live in a world where nobody agrees? What these spirits are telling me, seems to be the most obvious truth. If we were not all deluded, the world would agree with itself.

Well, I will have to think about that. I was born with the ability to see and converse with spirits. I can hold long conversations just as clearly as with you or anyone. We have talked a lot about historical facts and spiritual matters. They have told me a consistent story in no uncertain terms. It does not match anything I have been reading, but it has tended to bear itself out. For example, they have been explaining how certain religions are a corruption of older traditions. I am not 100% certain of certain facts.

Electric Black:

It sort of late to ask me such a question — I have to cut through a lot of your presuppositions which is not easy. But suffice it to say there is no big blank as the nihilists hope. There is another body, the manomaya body, the body made of will/spirit. The Nikayas speak of it as does the Lankavatara Sutra.

I have shown my disciples (airyasavaka) the way whereby they call into being out of this [corporeal] body [yet] another body of the mind’s creation (rûpim manomayam), complete in all its limbs and members and with transcendental faculties (abhinindriyam). — MN 2.17

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