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September 01, 2011

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Azanshi; In what sutta is Vasudeva mentioned? I’m only familiar with the story of Vasudeva from the novel Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse.

(I also decided to discontinue my website because it occurred to me I was like an impostor talking about the Dharma before attaining, before realizing. What could one who is not yet a Noble One have to say of worth? So I realized it's better not to write at all, at least for now. And other topics (not about the Dharma) are really a waste of time.)

I've been reading on Buddhism for two years. First book I read was Suzuki's Beginner's Mind, which had some interesting ideas but left me unsatisfied. Then I read book after another by many modern "Zen" writers and I felt there was something dishonest about them, or even stupid. I felt that their teaching leads to a stupid hedonism and drunkedness with this reality here. Actually, they teach anti-Buddhism: forget about Enlightenment, just immerse yourself in this world here even more, and everything will be OK. It was not until I stumbled upon an obscure website (some site about China that had a FAQ about Zen) that I found something credible. The author said: Zen is a serious matter it's for serious students; you have to read these books in order to advance at all. I was surprised. Everywhere else I saw something completely different: you don't have to read or study, just do whatever you're doing without thinking (such teaching seem to be to make people deteriorate into animals - aren't animals always "in the moment"? - and not advance into Noble Ones). So that website listed some books and I spent every Euro I had and ordered them all. It is only after I read those books that I advanced. I found out 30 minutes ago (connected the dots) that the list was written by the author of the Zennist. I wasn't even aware that the person I'm reading the Blog daily is the same person who triggered all the advancement I have made. I feel that this approach is the real approach: serious study. In the Buddihst forums, people talk about their emotions and crap like that. Talking about Buddhist terms, even about karma or rebirth, is taboo. You're called orthodox or obscurantist. It's like in the Middle Ages where studying the Bible was forbidden. I have read on the Internet about a "group of people" (I take it to be you and Kojizen) and I see you're regarded as mavericks but as far as I can tell, if the "hippie" lovingkindness hedonist materialist Buddhists regard someone as an outcast, it only gives them more credibility. - For now I'll just read this Blog and DarkZen pages and whatever is connected to your group and read the Sutras diligently. The local Zen group here is lead by a guy who is a fool and this is not my arrogance. He says Zen is a method to feel better and improve health. I don't think I can learn anything from him, so I won't even go meet that group. I don't think this is arrogance. He unites Zen with alternative medicine and Gongs and everything "Eastern". But I don't care about anything Eastern, I care about what the Buddha taught when he talked about the immortal Nirvana, not the shitty health benefits. Why would I care about health of this rotting impermanent body anyway? Sorry for this long-winded message. The path is hard and I'm always immersed in doubts and confusion. Thankfully there are Boddhisatvas like you who can aide people that want to walk the path; and I am immensely thankful. Even harsh words are welcome. - Azanshi: If you say meeting teachers is of benefit, can't you give me any orientation ... ? I was always inclined towards Dogen's teachings, but I have some doubt about them from reading this Blog. Aside from reading, studying, would trying to meet a Rinzai Zen person in Europe be a good idea? Isn't a one-on-one meeting in real life of great benefit (from reading Buddhist texts, all seem to suggest that is a very good idea).

That was not a tantrum. Your webpage certainly shows a sincere "soul" looking for the truth. It was meant to help you. You need to pay attention to what is served not how it is served.

Now when it comes to my clobberings of Clyde. Well see it as Zen-entertainment.

Also (to both Azanshi and Kojizen) I'm not American. I'm from a small country in Europe. This country has literally no Zen group, no Zen teacher, no Zen texts translated in my language; nothing of the kind. I'm not arrogant at all. That's why I ask questions to Zennist and try to learn from his replies. That's why I asked about a teacher. Not because I want to cling to a teacher and make an idol; just because I'm looking for someone with deeper insight. My quoting Jeff Shore was to affirm Zennist words, not to subvert or contradict. So you don't have to attack me; I'm not disrespecting anyone. In order to find a teacher, I'd have to travel a long way, and I'm not in the financial position. That's why I'm studying this possibility and carefully examining the possibilities I have in Europe. I don't want to waste time & money one people who have no idea abut Zen except "while walking, walk; while driving, drive". - You should be aware that criticizing people in this way goes against the Buddha-Dharma, except if your words are meant to help me awaken. I can't judge whether your poison is really good; but you should ask yourself if it is? If the tantrums are not helpful, then you better find other ways to use that great enlightenment you have in your pocket. - As for my pockets, they're empty.

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